Posts that talk about who the Bible has called us to be as men that don’t specifically deal with family leadership.

AdviceForYoungSingleMen

Advice For Young, Single Men Seeking To Live A Godly Life

I can never forget the journey to the States. I was some thousand feet above ground and psyching myself in preparation for my academic studies ahead. “I have to be successful, that’s what a true man is.” I’d say to myself repeatedly. I would think about the family (a single-parent home) I left when boarding this plane in Nigeria. I had seen my mother carry out the responsibility of two parents on her own and my father had been physical absent for several years. I was sent to boarding school, and though there were men there, they taught us young men that provision was the sole responsibility of the father. Thus my aim was to be present and make money.

After spending about two years in the States, a lot has significantly changed about me. To many people’s surprise it doesn’t have much to do with the culture, but with the truths of Scripture taught and lived out by the men in the church I am attending while I’m in the U.S.. So in the period of two years my orientation of manhood has been reformed, and my devotion to Christ bolstered. This, all being a result of watching and learning from the godly Christian men in my community, and seeing how they live life in light of the Word of God.

In our day, with the skyrocketing numbers of males being raised in dysfunctional families, we must be intentional in finding out what it really looks like to be a godly man. So, with that being said, here are some practical ways in which I went about this, and you could too! Note that all practical helps must be saturated in prayer and a reliance in Gods full control of all things.

Locate and develop relationships with older godly men and your Pastor (Col 3:16; Proverbs 2)

My church is blessed to have some godly men in the congregation and leadership. In realizing this I sought to develop relationships with them and state the desires the Lord had given me (that is to mature into biblical manhood) and how I’d like to hang out with them and just learn, observe, and ask questions. This is a great way to begin the journey to biblical manhood.

Study the Scriptures in light of biblical manhood (1Tim 3:16 & 17)

I began looking at the men of the Bible, their strengths and weaknesses. I also began trying to collect all the necessary passages referring to biblical manhood. This has helped me because it has caused me to not only take in information, but to work the data out, i.e. make sense of it. Scripture is our final authority and our tool to discerning true biblical manhood when it is being acted out.

Read godly books on marriage and manhood

I personally read the likes of “What He Must Be If He Wants To Marry My Daughter” by Voddie Baucham; “Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: A response to Evangelical Feminism” by Wayne Grudem and John Piper; “Meaning of Marriage” by Timothy Keller with Kathy Keller and “Manhood Restored: How the Gospel makes men whole” by Eric Mason.

These where really impactful books in my life and have helped me both intellectually but also practically on the road to Biblical Manhood. There are many books on manhood, but these I recommend heavily.

Listen to sermons and conferences on biblical manhood

I made an effort to listen to the sermons of pastors who were faithfully teaching the truths of Scripture in relation to this topic. One significantly good sermon series that I remember was Matt Chandler’s series on Biblical manhood (watched on YouTube) and Pastor Deric Thomas’ sermons on the book of Genesis chapters 1-11 (cfgadsden.com).

In my life these four things blessed me incredibly as I sought to be discipled into the man God has called men to be. I trust that it will bless you too!

TheJoyOfHumbleSelflessness

The Joy Of Humble Selflessness

We have been studying through Philippians in our Men’s Group that meets in my home. As we recently reviewed chapter 2 a few truths occurred to me that I already knew, but really grabbed my attention in this section of Scripture. It jarred me (again) to see the number of commands for us to humble ourselves and to feel the weight of the Holy Spirit’s call for all Christians to love and serve others sacrificially.

I have heard Philippians referred to so many times as the “Joy Book”. I guess this makes sense because of the joy Paul expressed for Christ and the Philippian church (1:18; 2:17; 4:10), as well as his repeated commands for Christians to rejoice (2:18, 28; 3:1; 4:4). But, as I studied my way through chapter 2, again seeing all the commands for humility, service, and unity, a thought hit me and continued to bounce around like a pinball. I know I’ve seen this in Scripture before, but not like this specifically. Could it be that the Christian’s joy is (partly, at least) wrapped up in humble, sacrificial service to others for the glory of God?

We see this in the teachings of Jesus (In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” – Acts 20:35 ESV), as well as in His example (…looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. – Hebrews 12:2 ESV). We also know this from experience. I know that some of the most empty, joyless times of my life have been when I have selfishly pursued that new widget, gadget, or experience, only to obtain it and have that initial feeling of happiness almost instantly slip through my hands like sand. I know I’m not alone in this. We also know the joy and satisfaction of selfless service/ministry to others in the name of Christ.

As Christians, we know that we rejoice in God for the grace, mercy, and love we have received in Christ. And we need to constantly be reminded that one way we can live with a joyful heart is to look to the interests of others and count them as more significant than ourselves (Philippians 2:3-4)! Humility and sacrifice, not pride and ambition, are the paths to joy. This is the way God has designed the world to operate.

Men, we are called to serve, to pour ourselves out for the glory of God-in our home, for our church family, at work, school, community, etc. Will there be some things we give up? For sure. But, joy is not one of them… Which happens to be what we’re really looking for anyway!

biblical_masculinity_in_fatherhood

Biblical Masculinity in Fatherhood Pt.2

This is the fourth post in the Biblical Masculinity series. Post One: What is Biblical Masculinity?Post Two: Biblical Masculinity in Marriage, Post Three: Biblical Masculinity in Fatherhood Pt.1.

In part one of Masculine Fatherhood we discussed what God expects of us as Christian dads. We also covered a few key areas of development that you should be working into your child’s life. In this post we will talk about some practical ideas that may help you as you decide what it looks like in your home to raise your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Keep in mind that these are suggestions, not an exhaustive list. Don’t feel that if you aren’t doing everything on this list that you’re not a good dad. These come and go in seasons at our house – except for worship, catechism, Bible, etc. If God does convict you in an area, don’t beat yourself up. Run to Him, repent, and start doing right.

So here are a few ideas, in no certain order. Read more

biblical_masculinity_in_fatherhood

Biblical Masculinity in Fatherhood Pt.1

This is the third post in the Biblical Masculinity series. Post One: What is Biblical Masculinity?, Post Two: Biblical Masculinity in MarriagePost Four: Biblical Masculinity in Fatherhood Pt. 2

There is so much more to cover on this topic than I will be able to deal with in this post. At the end of the next article (Biblical Masculinity in Parenting Pt. 2) I have provided a list of books and resources that have helped me and will shed more light on the spiritual aspects of fatherhood. I just wanted to do a brief fly-over of some of the spiritual issues related to fatherhood and then focus in on some practical ideas that may help you lead your family and fulfill your God-given role as a dad.

The big idea I want you to take away from this post is discipleship. God has blessed you with a house full of little disciples. This is one way you are able to fulfill God’s call on your life to be a disciple maker. – Mt. 28:18-20

Teaching & Training

  • Fathers are required to raise their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord – Eph. 6:4. If we raise our children in any other way, we walk in disobedience to the Lord and harm our kids in the process.
  • This charge is given to fathers, not mothers. It’s not that mothers don’t play a huge role in this instruction (they most certainly do), this means that fathers as the family head are held responsible for seeing to it that this happens.
  • We need to lead by example. We should be able to say to our children “follow me as I follow Christ.” Read more
Masculinity in Marriage

Biblical Masculinity In Marriage

This is the second post in the Biblical Masculinity series. Post One: What is Biblical Masculinity?, Post Three: Biblical Masculinity in Fatherhood Pt. 1Post Four: Biblical Masculinity in Fatherhood Pt. 2

This will only be a brief overview of our roles as men in marriage. It won’t be super-spiritual or deeply theological, although I believe marriage is deeply spiritual and theological at its foundation because it is a picture of God’s love for us. There are many wonderful books that cover this topic in greater detail that would be worth your time in reading. I have recommended a few HERE and you can see the full list HERE.

I will try to be a bit more practical in this study since most of us know or have an idea of what God expects from us in marriage. A lot of times, I believe, we just don’t know what we are doing or how we should go about it.

Marriage – We Are to Cultivate Our Wives

  • God said it was not good for man to be alone.
  • He created woman to help him in his cultivation and they were to work together as one.
  • God created marriage, man did not. Therefore He defines its boundaries and purposes.
  • God made man the head of the family, man did not. He gives us a picture of male headship all throughout the Bible.
  • Some who argue for Egalitarianism say that male headship or patriarchy came as a result of the Fall. Others argue that when Paul made his claims of male headship in the home and church those roles and positions were only binding on that specific culture and time period.
  • Paul actually destroys both arguments by taking the basis for his claims all the way back to the Creation story and order before the Fall. He therefore says that the way God set things up are binding on all peoples of all cultures and all time periods. – 1Cor. 11:8-9; 1 Tim. 2:12-13; Gen. 2
  • Woman was made for the man.
  • Woman was made after and from the man.
  • She was not made from the dirt like the rest of the animals, but from Adam’s side showing her equality with Adam in value and worth.
  • Equality is not the same as egality (See my previous post for the difference between egalitarianism & complementarianism).
  • Woman was brought to the man – as a father would give his daughter away in marriage.
  • Woman was named by the man.
  • Probably the most overlooked sign God gave us that points to male headship in the home is that after the Fall God goes looking for Adam and holds him responsible for his and Eve’s sin. Accountability and responsibility show headship. Read more
  • Biblical Masculinity - Biblical Manhood

    What Is Biblical Masculinity?

    I’d like to take the next few posts and look at what the Bible calls us to be and do as Christian men. What do these Passages mean? What is meant by the terms biblical manhood or biblical masculinity? What does this look like in each of our lives since we are all different and have different wives and children? What does this look like in our specific time and culture?

    Some of what we will cover will be doctrinal or theological (what we should believe) in nature, but a lot of it will be very practical (what we should be doing).

    This series of posts will be a very brief fly-over of this topic. There is so much more that could be said and has been said elsewhere in many great books and sermons – most of which you can find in the “Recommended Reading” list or “Audio Messages”. I don’t ever want to give the impression that our responsibilities as men involve ONLY our homes. We are Christians. This means the gospel impacts our entire lives. We do not focus on our homes to the neglect of everything else God calls us to in light of the gospel. Our goal is not just to be a better husband or dad, but to grow in Christ-likeness. As we do this (by His grace and the power of the Spirit) our familes will most definitely benefit!

    Having said that, this series will cover four areas of life as a Christian man.

    • Post 1 – What is masculinity? – What it is, what it is not, and attacks on true masculinity.
    • Post 2 – Biblically masculine husbands. – Leading your wife, responsibilities of headship.
    • Posts 3 & 4 – Biblically masculine fathers. – Leading/teaching your kids about Christ, responsibilities of being a disciple maker in your home.

    WHAT IS MASCULINITY?

    Masculinity is not simply maleness. Just because you have male parts doesn’t make you masculine. Read more

    Family-Leadership

    What Family Leadership Looks Like In My Home

    In speaking to many men over the past few years I keep hearing a recurring theme. Guy after guy says something to the effect of, “I know I should be leading my home, I just don’t know what to do or where to start.” I give them a few ideas, share parts of my story and then wrap it up with “Just start doing something.”

    So I decided I would pull back the curtain and let people know what it looks like in my home for me to lead out spiritually. This is in no way meant to be braggadocious on me or my wife. All credit and glory belongs to God alone. I wish I had time to tell of the immeasurable healing and restoration that He has brought into my family! Nor is this me trying to tell other men exactly how they should lead in their homes. Every home is unique and as such will operate a bit differently.

    I’m merely trying to call attention to the fact that as men, we are the pastors of our families! This is our calling in life. It is our job to pass on our faith, teaching them who God is. We ARE leading our families whether we know it or not. The question is: Where and to whom are we leading them?

    In this post I will focus on what family leadership looks like in regard to my children. I’ll deal with leading our wives in another post.

    Read more

    Football: Fun Game, Poor Master.

    I live in the South where sports in general and football in particular is god. I wish I were exaggerating, but if you’ve ever visited the South during football season you know I’m not. So, I have to fight the never-ending battle of helping men realize that something has become an idol in their lives. Whether it is a sports team they are a fan of, a sport they play as a hobby, or a sport their children play it all ends up the same way. It becomes all they think about, talk about, and live for. Now, they would say different but their actions don’t line up with what they say most of the time.

    I consider myself a fairly athletic guy (at least for a few minutes at a time) and I do like me some football (fantasy team and all). So I’m not throwing off on something that I just don’ like. But, my big question to men and dads is “Do you or your children know more about a sport or sports team than you do the God of the Bible”? This goes for any sport, but where I live college and high school football are the biggest so I always like to boil it all down for them.

    In football if you take away the strategies, the over paid coaches, the inflated ticket prices, the bands, the jumbotrons, the music, the crowds, the under-dressed cheerleaders, the expensive equipment, the endless number of commentators, etc., at the end of the day all you have is a bunch of teenage BOYS playing a GAME. It’s nothing more than a glorified version of what we played, when we were young, with the neighborhood kids when someone always got mad and took the good ball home with them leaving the rest of us to play with an old, ratty Nerf ball that the dog had chewed up.

    Yet people will take time off of work, take vacation time, get to the game early to tailgate, maybe even spend the night or camp out, spend ridiculous amounts of money and resources, meet with their friends and celebrate for hours when a big game comes up. But when it comes to thinking about, studying about, or even talking about God they “Don’t have enough time”. When it comes to meeting together as a corporate body or leading their family in worshipping a God who has had such great mercy and grace (in Christ) on us sinful, rebellious humans who deserve to spend an eternity in Hell under God’s full wrath and punishment… they find it all a bit too boring.

    It’s not wrong to watch, play, or enjoy football or any other sport, but as dads we have to keep things in perspective. Yes, we keep things in perspective in order to guard our own lives from falling into idolatry, but also knowing that statistically our children will worship the things we do.

    We were created to worship. And worship we will. The question is what or whom!

    Daily Struggles of Manhood

    Today I received a tweet from someone I follow on Twitter. It was a thought provoking question that went out to all of this guy’s followers. It simply said: “What’s you definition of a man?” It didn’t take very long for me to type out my response since this is a question I wrestle with all the time. I replied: “Biblical manhood is loving, self-sacrificing leadership. Be strong FOR your family and gentle WITH your family.” I was limited to 140 characters and that’s a loaded question, but I did the best I could.

    Then it hit me a few minutes later how easy it was to type out that response, but have I been doing that?! Well the guy Retweeted my response with the comment: “Good stuff Chad!” Again I replied to him: “Defining it is the easy part. Living it out is a daily struggle. I desperately need Christ!”

    I know it may seem silly to write a post about a Twitter conversation I had with someone I’ve never met, but it really made me think. How many of us know what to do, know what the Word commands and yet don’t do it? James 1:22-25; 4:17 calls that sin! If we’re not loving our wives as Christ loves the church or leading our children the way He says in the Word… we’re in sin. If you don’t know what that means or what it looks like, get in the Word, seek counsel, find out! That’s God’s will for your life, sir.

    Also, there are several articles, messages and websites listed on this site that may make your journey a little easier.

    What are some of the things God has taught you on the road to biblical manhood?

    What is Biblical Manhood?

    Here are my notes from our latest Men’s Group discussing biblical manhood. I left them as they were, so they are bulleted and may be a little choppy to read. I apologize for that.

    Quick re-cap of last meeting. If you don’t deal with the heart, none of the rest of this stuff will matter at all! Ask yourself the hard questions and wrestle with the answers.

    This teaching will just be an overview. We will get into the particulars (how to’s) later on in the Proverbs study. I wanted everyone to be clear on the term “biblical manhood”. We use it a lot and I wanted to make sure we all know what that means. In a nutshell it means seeing manhood and masculinity from what the Bible says they are and not what culture says they are. The best short definition I have heard for biblical masculinity is from author, Douglas Wilson. He defines masculinity as “The glad assumption of sacrificial responsibility.”

    In addition to this article, I have a series of posts on masculinity that go a bit further in detail and offer practical advice on what we, as men, can do in our homes to better lead them.

    Male Headship

    • The doctrines of male leadership in the church and the home stood without question for 18 centuries.
    • Man’s responsibilities, as laid out in the Bible, may be difficult to perform, but they are not difficult to understand.
    • Biblical manhood is under attack in our culture!
    • The feminist agenda began around the 1920’s & 1930’s.
    • The first feminist interpretations of Scriptures dealing with male headship started showing up in commentaries about 1970. That’s all of our lives if you are in my generation. Unfortunately, that’s the main reason we so willingly accept doctrines and teachings in our churches that the Bible strictly prohibits.
    • God created man & said that it is not good that man be alone, so He created woman as a helper. Helper is not a denigrating term, God uses this word to speak of Himself throughout the Bible.
    • Man and woman are created equal, but serving different roles.
    • Gen 2:18-24 – All the other animals were created from dirt. Woman was created from man showing equality.
    • God gives us the picture of male headship. – 1 Cor 11:8-9
      • 1 Tim 2:12 – Our culture argues with this passage saying that “Paul was speaking to that culture and those women of that time. He isn’t speaking to our culture today.”
      • Paul himself uses the created order as proof for his argument. Therefore, if God set it up that way, that’s the way He meant for it to be for all time here on this Earth. – 1 Tim 2:13-14
      • Woman was made after the man. Why didn’t God create Eve first and then let her have the first man by natural child birth? That would show female headship.
      • Woman was made from the man. Again, she wasn’t made like the other animals showing equality with the man. Equality not egality – Egality says that we are completely equal and there is no role distinctions.
      • Woman was brought to the man. Another sign of authority.
      • Woman was named by the man. Naming is an act of headship. God named His creation (day, night, earth, seas, etc.) then gave the job of naming everything else (including Eve) to the man.
      • After the fall God comes looking for the man and holds him accountable even though it was the woman who was deceived and sinned first.

    Biblical Manhood vs Cultural Manhood

    Manhood is being attacked on two major fronts in our culture.

    • Feminism that seeks to eliminate all distinctions and authority.
    • Machoism that defines masculinity outside of the Bible. An analogy called “Football or gay”. Basically either you like sports, hunting, fishing, fast cars, etc. or you’re not a real man.

    What does the Bible say?

    • God created man and gave him the role of cultivator. – Gen 1:28-30
      • God put man in the Garden of Eden and said ‘This is how the rest of the Earth should look’.
      • Men cultivate. It’s inherent. Just look at us “bigger, faster, stronger” (technology, vehicles, sports equipment, etc.). That’s the way God wired us.
      • We are called to cultivate our wives, children, jobs, churches, and communities.
      • If man refuses to submit to Christ, he still remains a cultivator, he just cultivates the wrong things. This is why accountability is so important among us!

    Why is cultivating the right things so difficult?

    • Gen 3:16-19 – God curses the woman’s body and mind because of her sin, but he curses the creation that man was meant to cultivate because of his sin.
    • Creation wars against our cultivation! By the way, stop dreaming of the perfect woman and life that isn’t a fixer-upper! They don’t exist.
    • This is why we meet to encourage and teach one another. It’s hard!
    • God allows this to show us our deep need for the gospel and a Savior!

    Wouldn’t it be better if, when we got saved, God took that away and gave us an easy life so that others would want to get saved? No. Two reasons.

    • That’s idolatry. If I come to Jesus just to get easy life, then easy life is my god and I’m just using Jesus to get it. That’s the prosperity gospel.
    • We tend to ignore God when all is well and really press into Him when things aren’t going so well for us. That’s our default mode.

    What does this look like with our wives and kids? Again, way more details coming later.

    • Eph 5:22-23 – We can see that biblical manhood has way more to do with humility, loving self sacrifice, responsibility, and accountability than it does authority. The authority is there, but it comes with a price. These are the principals we need to continually learn from the Word and other godly men.
    • When we fully submit to Christ’s authority and headship, sacrifice our rights and desires, and lead out in our families spiritually we are becoming the men He has called us to be. Women usually flourish in this environment.
    • Men, we set the spiritual thermostat in our homes. If your wife is leading out on all the “spiritual stuff”, it’s going to end badly. Not because she doesn’t know what she’s talking about (my wife is a good bit smarter than me), but because you are going against the way God set it up to work!

    Men, What Are We Doing?

    I had a guy tell me a while back, in reference to leading his family, ‘There’s too much to remember’. As far as I can tell, the wife leads the family spiritually and does almost all of the child rearing. So what do you think he did about this situation? Nothing. Actually, not nothing. He abdicated himself. He was told the truth about what God expects from us as men and he said it was too much for him to handle, thereby shirking his responsibilities off on his wife. So instead of pressing into God for wisdom, strength, grace, and mercy and instead of seeking godly men to help him with this task… he, like a lot of Christian men… gave up.

    I believe the problem lies in a couple of areas for men who call themselves followers of Christ yet show no interest in leading their families as the Bible says we are supposed to. Read more

    Real Men?

    For too long manhood has been defined by the wrong things. The world defines manhood as rugged, athletic, outdoorsman, hunting, fishing, sports, cars, etc… That’s where you get all these idiotic sayings and slogans like “real men wear black” or “Real men carry guns” or “Real men urinate off the porch”. But just as dumb as it is for the world to tag manhood with a bunch of external junk, the church tends to do the same thing except we make our men pansies. We are to be meek, quiet, don’t stir the waters, don’t confront, keep the peace, don’t speak up.

    It’s really no wonder that the smallest demographic for church attendance is 18-35 year old males. They are being confused by culture and not pursued by the church, because they may be a little too rough around the edges for our own comfort. Younger men, such as myself, live in a world that is constantly inundating them with the wrong ideas on manhood: ‘The more chicks the better’ ‘More money’ ‘More stuff’ ‘Better stuff’ ‘More fun’ ‘No responsibilities’. I know, I was one of them and battle it everyday still. So what you end up with is a bunch of over grown boys who don’t know how to commit or lead and a church that is impotent and lacking in solid biblical leadership. I’m not slamming every church, I love the church, I’m just playing the statistics. I’m also not slamming women nor am I a sexist. God has completely created men and women equal Read more