Nurturing Genuine Beauty in Your Wife

Men, how do you talk about your wife? Do you praise her? If so, in what ways? Do you criticize or belittle her? When the opportunity arises to say something (publicly) about your wife, what comes out of your mouth: words that oppress or applaud her? What adjectives roll off your tongue concerning the one with whom you are in covenant?

This should go without saying, but I won’t take anything for granted. Never, ever belittle your wife with your words, either to her face, to your friends, or in public! If you have an honest, loving critique that needs to be addressed in private, that is different. But never use your words to cut down God’s daughter whom He has entrusted to your care–to nurture and love as Christ loves His Bride–His Church.

Physical attraction matters in marriage, but there is something that matters infinitely more. Don’t just praise your wife’s outer beauty: “My smoking hot wife” “My super-sexy wife” etc. That’s great, to an extent, although most women would rather be “beautiful” than “hot”. What in your wife are you wanting to encourage and nurture? Outer beauty that will fade (just as yours will or already has)? Or a soul that is growing in Christ-likeness? Yes, she needs to hear from you that you think she is beautiful, but do your compliments only focus on the physical?

Praise her godly character (and her beauty) to her face, to your friends when she is not around, and in public when she is with you. So long as you both have a proper understanding of God’s grace in her life that empowers these qualities, your praise will edify her and not make her prideful. It helps her know you love her and care about more than just her body. In the Bible women are praised for their godly character. Their appearance may be recognized, but their integrity is what is praised.

My wife and I have an agreement. We never really sat down and made the deal, it has just happened and we share it with each other. She never criticizes me in a group setting when she is with other women, no matter how much of a jerk I might have been that day or how angry she may be with me. Same goes for me in my groups. We each have a very small, trusted group of people with whom we share our frustrations from time to time. We know they will not gossip and trust that they will pray for both of us. In our culture this for sure takes Spirit-empowered self control…and a good deal of practice!

Sir, your words matter! No more so than to the person who loves you most on this earth. Use them well. Life and death are in the power of the tongue.


Answering Questions: Finding a Mentor, Avoiding Temptation, Defending Your Faith

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Show Notes

I am joined on this episode by my good friends, Deric Thomas of Christ Fellowship in Gadsden, AL, and Daniel Sheshi. We answer some listeners’ questions covering topics such as: how to find a healthy church, how to find a mentor, how a young believer can avoid temptation with friends and at work, and much more. I really enjoyed my time in studio with my brothers and I’m sure you will be helped by their advice and biblical counsel. Connect with the show – | Website Twitter Facebook |

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Masculinity in Marriage

Biblical Masculinity In Marriage

This is the second post in the Biblical Masculinity series. Post One: What is Biblical Masculinity?, Post Three: Biblical Masculinity in Fatherhood Pt. 1Post Four: Biblical Masculinity in Fatherhood Pt. 2

This will only be a brief overview of our roles as men in marriage. It won’t be super-spiritual or deeply theological, although I believe marriage is deeply spiritual and theological at its foundation because it is a picture of God’s love for us. There are many wonderful books that cover this topic in greater detail that would be worth your time in reading. I have recommended a few HERE and you can see the full list HERE.

I will try to be a bit more practical in this study since most of us know or have an idea of what God expects from us in marriage. A lot of times, I believe, we just don’t know what we are doing or how we should go about it.

Marriage – We Are to Cultivate Our Wives

  • God said it was not good for man to be alone.
  • He created woman to help him in his cultivation and they were to work together as one.
  • God created marriage, man did not. Therefore He defines its boundaries and purposes.
  • God made man the head of the family, man did not. He gives us a picture of male headship all throughout the Bible.
  • Some who argue for Egalitarianism say that male headship or patriarchy came as a result of the Fall. Others argue that when Paul made his claims of male headship in the home and church those roles and positions were only binding on that specific culture and time period.
  • Paul actually destroys both arguments by taking the basis for his claims all the way back to the Creation story and order before the Fall. He therefore says that the way God set things up are binding on all peoples of all cultures and all time periods. – 1Cor. 11:8-9; 1 Tim. 2:12-13; Gen. 2
  • Woman was made for the man.
  • Woman was made after and from the man.
  • She was not made from the dirt like the rest of the animals, but from Adam’s side showing her equality with Adam in value and worth.
  • Equality is not the same as egality (See my previous post for the difference between egalitarianism & complementarianism).
  • Woman was brought to the man – as a father would give his daughter away in marriage.
  • Woman was named by the man.
  • Probably the most overlooked sign God gave us that points to male headship in the home is that after the Fall God goes looking for Adam and holds him responsible for his and Eve’s sin. Accountability and responsibility show headship. Read more
  • Biblical Masculinity - Biblical Manhood

    What Is Biblical Masculinity?

    I’d like to take the next few posts and look at what the Bible calls us to be and do as Christian men. What do these Passages mean? What is meant by the terms biblical manhood or biblical masculinity? What does this look like in each of our lives since we are all different and have different wives and children? What does this look like in our specific time and culture?

    Some of what we will cover will be doctrinal or theological (what we should believe) in nature, but a lot of it will be very practical (what we should be doing).

    This series of posts will be a very brief fly-over of this topic. There is so much more that could be said and has been said elsewhere in many great books and sermons – most of which you can find in the “Recommended Reading” list or “Audio Messages”. I don’t ever want to give the impression that our responsibilities as men involve ONLY our homes. We are Christians. This means the gospel impacts our entire lives. We do not focus on our homes to the neglect of everything else God calls us to in light of the gospel. Our goal is not just to be a better husband or dad, but to grow in Christ-likeness. As we do this (by His grace and the power of the Spirit) our familes will most definitely benefit!

    Having said that, this series will cover four areas of life as a Christian man.

    • Post 1 – What is masculinity? – What it is, what it is not, and attacks on true masculinity.
    • Post 2 – Biblically masculine husbands. – Leading your wife, responsibilities of headship.
    • Posts 3 & 4 – Biblically masculine fathers. – Leading/teaching your kids about Christ, responsibilities of being a disciple maker in your home.


    Masculinity is not simply maleness. Just because you have male parts doesn’t make you masculine. Read more

    Daily Struggles of Manhood

    Today I received a tweet from someone I follow on Twitter. It was a thought provoking question that went out to all of this guy’s followers. It simply said: “What’s you definition of a man?” It didn’t take very long for me to type out my response since this is a question I wrestle with all the time. I replied: “Biblical manhood is loving, self-sacrificing leadership. Be strong FOR your family and gentle WITH your family.” I was limited to 140 characters and that’s a loaded question, but I did the best I could.

    Then it hit me a few minutes later how easy it was to type out that response, but have I been doing that?! Well the guy Retweeted my response with the comment: “Good stuff Chad!” Again I replied to him: “Defining it is the easy part. Living it out is a daily struggle. I desperately need Christ!”

    I know it may seem silly to write a post about a Twitter conversation I had with someone I’ve never met, but it really made me think. How many of us know what to do, know what the Word commands and yet don’t do it? James 1:22-25; 4:17 calls that sin! If we’re not loving our wives as Christ loves the church or leading our children the way He says in the Word… we’re in sin. If you don’t know what that means or what it looks like, get in the Word, seek counsel, find out! That’s God’s will for your life, sir.

    Also, there are several articles, messages and websites listed on this site that may make your journey a little easier.

    What are some of the things God has taught you on the road to biblical manhood?